« March 2006 | Main | May 2006 »

April 15, 2006

What I Do and Don't Know

So at this time of the year, I know a lot about my future, but when it comes to details, there's quite a bit that I just don't know.

I know I'm having a graduation dinner, but I don't know how many guests will be there. Nor do I know how to tell people that I really want gifts... Maybe they read my blog!

I know that I'll be interning in NYC this summer, but I still haven't received my foundation placement for the summer. I don't know when to book my ticket to and from New York for. As the days slip away, I can almost hear the whoosh as the plane ticket prices continue to escalate.

I know that my boyfriend is going to come visit me in NYC this summer, but I don't know how long nor where he/we can stay. I know he's going to come visit me in Ghana, but the questions of when and for how long linger in that regard as well...

I know that I'm going to spend next year in Ghana, but I don't know where I'll be living or what courses I will be taking. I recently received the application in the mail, and 2 of my 3 recs have come in, but I still have to send it off, wait for it to arrive, and then wait for my notice of acceptance.

I know that I need to be in Ghana by the start of the semester, but when exactly is that, when can I buy my plane ticket, and how much later after the start of the semester can I arrive if I need just another week or two at home?

I know that no matter what I am going to the Kennedy School of Government MPP program after Ghana. But how am I going to pay for it? Will I be awarded one of those amazing fellowships from the Kennedy School? Will I snag the fabulous Jack Kent Cooke fellowship? Or will I graduate from Harvard with over $100,000 worth of debt and no full-time work experience?

I know that I'm going to Business School after that, but I'm back to not knowing which one. I accepted a place on the waiting list for Stanford, and I feel good about doing so. I was advised by mentors to keep my options open, and it seemed like I should see what Stanford thought about my candidacy before I took myself out of the running. I'll find out my new status by May 15.

My "You've been waitlisted" letter said that it was appropriate to send a letter reiterating my interest in the school, so I know I should definitely do that. I'm just not sure what to put in it--or which new accomplishments I have to share. I would certainly count getting in to HBS and KSG as a huge accomplishment, but I'm not sure that's what they want to hear about. I'm doing pretty well in both Econ and Calc (got B's on the second midterms--which I'm happy with), and I'm thinking I'll get my Econ prof to write me a letter of recommendation extolling my many virtues and skills in quantitative reasoning...

I don't like this fuzzy place of knowing and not knowing. I've been incredibly fortunate and honored with one wonderful opportunity after another, but it's becoming a lot to keep up with. I find myself worrying about things that are far less urgent than the tasks I am avoiding. Perhaps it's my subconscious attempt to slow down and gain control of what is feeling like an increasingly planned-out future. Maybe it's my tried-and-true habits of procrastination until the final wire because I always know things will work out somehow.

It's the last weekend to work on my thesis, and that's another unsure surety hanging in the air. Having worked with my advisor many times, I am pretty confident I will get an A on my thesis, but I'm also scared that it's confusingly somewhat neoconservative underpinnings (I don't know how that happened! Sorry, fellow progressives!) will compromise my grade. Of course I'm going to graduate, but Mr. Perfectionism is still tugging at the bottom of my gauchos. (I imagine him as a short leprechaun-like man with big, beseeching eyes...)

It's definitely time for bed. I've got lots of writing (and worrying) to do.

Posted by kaneisha at 08:32 AM | Comments (1)

April 11, 2006

Preparing for the Future

So I took an Economics midterm AND a Calculus midterm today--and I wasn't worried about either one of them. I'm in the unique position of being the only Senior in two of my classes, and with grad school layed out before me like a picnic blanket, the rest of my year here will basically be one long really good day. And I think it started today.

I took a three-hour nap and watched an hour of Sex and the City with my hilarious friend Martie. Yes, I still have my thesis to work on, but that is coming along nicely, and I think I will be able to finish stress-free (which is a big accomplishment for me). So far, I have about 39 of the 60 required pages, and it's due on April 21. So I have 11 days to write 21 pages which comes out to roughly 2 pages a day--which is completely doable. My aim is to write a whole 8 pages between tonight and tomorrow night, so that would dramatically reduce the workload. We'll see...

I finally received my application from the University of Ghana, which means that I am very possibly going to receive a MA in African Studies! That would be crazy, because then I'd end up with 3 Masters by the age of 26. I'm definitely not trying to collect degrees, but I'm really excited about all three programs. I don't know how excited I'll be about all three Masters theses. As much as I've enjoyed working on my thesis this semester, I'm definitely confident and ready to do another one (hopefully shorter...)

So I plead my case to the powers that be at both the Kennedy and the Business School at Harvard, and I was successful at getting the tuition deposit waived at the B-school, which is a big $1000 relief. I will be sending in both confirmations very soon. Three years in the Northeast, here I come! I'm excited about Winter coat shopping and there's also the much bigger deal of the apartment hunt. Luckily, I'll have three close friends going to Harvard before I get there, so they can do some preliminary scouting for me.

Soon it will also be time to make arrangements for flying to NYC for my summer internship with SEO. I have housing (yay!), but I've yet to find out which foundation I'll be working for. I'm anxious and hesitant at the same time to buy my flight to NYC because I'm not entirely sure when my intership actually starts. I want to give myself at least a FEW days at home before I leave for NYC and I definitely want to have at least a week at home before I leave to Ghana. I'm sure I'll know more very soon, and the key is to not go Googling around, worrying myself to death about it (what I'm really good at).

It's also time to send out graduation invitations, which has actually turned into a predicament. I really want to send out evites, but my mom says that's tacky (and Lord knows I would hate to look tacky!), and I don't want to deter people from buying me fabulous graduation gifts with a tacky invitation (I'm only half-kidding. I am banking on graduation gifts to replenish my bank account and to buy my suits I need for my job this summer). Therefore, I've gone a few steps above tacky (didn't quite make it to elegant) and I've decided to use the cards from my Jazz Series Faith Ringgold set, which I love, and really need to use before they get swallowed up in the moving process. So it's settled. I'll be using a somewhat unrelated card to announce my graduation party, but that's what it's going to be.

I'll go all out on the invitations when it's the announcement of my graduation from Harvard! Okay, it's time to reward myself with a Snickers bar and write some more of my thesis.

Posted by kaneisha at 06:44 AM | Comments (1)