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April 15, 2006
What I Do and Don't Know
So at this time of the year, I know a lot about my future, but when it comes to details, there's quite a bit that I just don't know.
I know I'm having a graduation dinner, but I don't know how many guests will be there. Nor do I know how to tell people that I really want gifts... Maybe they read my blog!
I know that I'll be interning in NYC this summer, but I still haven't received my foundation placement for the summer. I don't know when to book my ticket to and from New York for. As the days slip away, I can almost hear the whoosh as the plane ticket prices continue to escalate.
I know that my boyfriend is going to come visit me in NYC this summer, but I don't know how long nor where he/we can stay. I know he's going to come visit me in Ghana, but the questions of when and for how long linger in that regard as well...
I know that I'm going to spend next year in Ghana, but I don't know where I'll be living or what courses I will be taking. I recently received the application in the mail, and 2 of my 3 recs have come in, but I still have to send it off, wait for it to arrive, and then wait for my notice of acceptance.
I know that I need to be in Ghana by the start of the semester, but when exactly is that, when can I buy my plane ticket, and how much later after the start of the semester can I arrive if I need just another week or two at home?
I know that no matter what I am going to the Kennedy School of Government MPP program after Ghana. But how am I going to pay for it? Will I be awarded one of those amazing fellowships from the Kennedy School? Will I snag the fabulous Jack Kent Cooke fellowship? Or will I graduate from Harvard with over $100,000 worth of debt and no full-time work experience?
I know that I'm going to Business School after that, but I'm back to not knowing which one. I accepted a place on the waiting list for Stanford, and I feel good about doing so. I was advised by mentors to keep my options open, and it seemed like I should see what Stanford thought about my candidacy before I took myself out of the running. I'll find out my new status by May 15.
My "You've been waitlisted" letter said that it was appropriate to send a letter reiterating my interest in the school, so I know I should definitely do that. I'm just not sure what to put in it--or which new accomplishments I have to share. I would certainly count getting in to HBS and KSG as a huge accomplishment, but I'm not sure that's what they want to hear about. I'm doing pretty well in both Econ and Calc (got B's on the second midterms--which I'm happy with), and I'm thinking I'll get my Econ prof to write me a letter of recommendation extolling my many virtues and skills in quantitative reasoning...
I don't like this fuzzy place of knowing and not knowing. I've been incredibly fortunate and honored with one wonderful opportunity after another, but it's becoming a lot to keep up with. I find myself worrying about things that are far less urgent than the tasks I am avoiding. Perhaps it's my subconscious attempt to slow down and gain control of what is feeling like an increasingly planned-out future. Maybe it's my tried-and-true habits of procrastination until the final wire because I always know things will work out somehow.
It's the last weekend to work on my thesis, and that's another unsure surety hanging in the air. Having worked with my advisor many times, I am pretty confident I will get an A on my thesis, but I'm also scared that it's confusingly somewhat neoconservative underpinnings (I don't know how that happened! Sorry, fellow progressives!) will compromise my grade. Of course I'm going to graduate, but Mr. Perfectionism is still tugging at the bottom of my gauchos. (I imagine him as a short leprechaun-like man with big, beseeching eyes...)
It's definitely time for bed. I've got lots of writing (and worrying) to do.
Posted by kaneisha at April 15, 2006 08:32 AM
Comments
Congrats on your HBS acceptance. What a Journey you are about to partake in. My best to you. - dave
Posted by: Dave at April 22, 2006 06:16 AM